Working Too Hard Can Give You a Heart Attack

We’re getting out. We have a plan. We’re moving forward. We’re moving out!!!! FINALLY. (Cue Billy Joel)

Oh, what a month(ish) it has been. Between finding out I signed up for the world’s worst health insurance company ever, to having still more setbacks on our house hunt, we finally have a concrete game plan and we are getting OUT OF HERE. (And then they ate Sir Robin’s minstrels.)

But yeah, there’s a lot to do before we get out of here, because packing + ADHD + chronic illness = the absolute worst (the people who have helped me move in the past are already having flashbacks). But we are doing this. We are getting everything packed and organized and clearing our ledgers and commencing the great house hunt. (And we are NOT hiring a U-Haul! It was in our marriage vows!)

This project has reinvigorated me in a way. A massive weight has lifted. We’re making lists and clearing them. I’m reminded that I do have goals for this year beyond just moving out of this apartment. My spouse was urging me to take a walk outside the other night so I could go touch some grass (motives were good, timing was bad), and it’s reminding me that my need to get out in the world and reconnect is great. 

My biggest goal for this year is probably reconnection. Between Covid and chronic illness and agoraphobia I fell out of touch with or grew estranged from a lot of people I really care about. I’ve also felt really disconnected from myself and just the world in general. I’m attending an anime convention this month, and getting to see a whole bunch of very dear friends. While the idea of being around so many people is nerve wracking, I can hardly wait. I have plans for travel after that. Much of this year will be spent searching for a home to buy, but I still have  plans to return to my dear friend in the mountains, and (hopefully) eventually make my trek out West to see my friends there. (I’m told there are deserts?) Just having these things to look forward to means so much to me.

So much of last year was spent spiraling in and out of depression and medical trauma, and this year I want to be different. I don’t have the same health insurance I had last year, which means I won’t have as many medical opportunities that I had before. This country’s healthcare system is enough to make you want to move to Canada… A lot of the plans that I made to take care of medical problems have had to go on the back burner for another year until we get my health insurance sorted out. But there are things I can do in the interim to build physical strength, and that’s what I plan to focus on until I can focus more on the medical side. I used to love things like hiking and camping and exploring the outdoors. I haven’t done it since I was in high school - not with any success anyway. I’d like to try it again. I want to go to karaoke with my friends and see more rock shows. (And who knows, maybe my spouse can finally get me to try table-top RPGs.) 

So, despite the setbacks and constant plan changes, I am actually feeling really good about things. Life is still really fucking hard, but my spouse and I have a solid game plan. The road ahead is still really goddamn uncertain, but I have really fucking amazing people in my life to face it with. And that’s really all that’s ever mattered to me. And now I’m off to scroll through Zillow and pack our apartment, not like an insane person at all. Nope. No way…

My goal is to have this blog back to projects and recipes by Summer (because that means I will be back to projects and recipes by then). Fingers and toes crossed.