You Might Roll Your Eyes At This
1st DISCLAIMER: Anything stated here is said with the full consent of all parties in the Unwilling Household.
2nd DISCLAIMER: This was written on New Year’s Day, but not published due to “technical difficulties” on the part of the writer. (Tl;dr - Chronic illness be chronic illness.)
It’s over. 2023 is finally over. From the outside it doesn’t seem like much has changed. I’m still married to my spouse. We still live in our apartment. I still have the same day job, as does he. But the people who woke up this morning are entirely different from the people who woke up on January 1, 2023.
For one thing I’ve gotten out of bed. I was trapped in bed at the start of last year because of chronic migraines. I’m on medication that controls the migraines. I’m dealing with the physical repercussions of being in bed so long. Got a snazzy mobility aid (with a deadly “ice spike”). Next I’m looking into low impact ways to build strength so I can get back to doing the things I actually enjoy doing.
I don’t know about the rest of humanity, but my mental (and physical) health took a swan dive in 2023. Funny thing about chronic illness and constant financial stress and the government taking your reproductive rights away like a Doom of Damocles* over you constantly. It wreaks havoc on your relationships. My spouse and I started seeing a marriage counselor (which we’ve been telling ourselves we were going to do since before we got married) and it has been so beneficial to our lives. And this is on top of the therapist and psychiatrist I was already seeing. But it’s affected a lot more than just my relationship with him.
I feel like since the pandemic started my social circle has been altered significantly. Because I've been ill (and because my job is different), my money and energy are a lot more limited than they used to be, and the medication I’m on has completely restructured my body and brain in a lot of ways that are kind of hard to explain to people. (Seriously, you try telling people that your meds make you bad at doing math.) I’ve dropped off of social media for the most part, keeping my personal accounts but not really using them anymore. I move a lot more slowly than I used to. I walk with a cane when traveling long distances because balance is a problem. I haven’t driven a car in over a year. The friends that I’ve stayed close to are mostly the ones who have known me the longest or are the ones who have seen me through my darkest hours. Sometimes it takes hearing an old familiar song in an old familiar backyard for you to know you’re home. Or eating tacos on a patio. But as the year wound down to a close I couldn’t shake the missing existences from my life. Feels kind of like losing a limb.
I attempted to take back my life in 2023, leaving my apartment and walking into a karaoke bar for the first time since my bachelorette party. (I can still sing!) I got on an airplane and I hugged my best friend (and her spawn) and I saw mountains and I breathed fresh air. I exited Rocky Horror retirement (temporarily) and took the stage as Magenta for a Halloween show. Very shakily. (Many thanks to Riff Raff & Columbia for literally carrying me through that show after I got a migraine during the “Time Warp”.) I attended my second concert since COVID (Spanish Love Songs & Hot Mulligan). I (not remotely purposefully) faced the literal demon of my nightmares. I also ended up using the blog feature that I meant to post recipes and project tips as a void to scream in. Whoops.
I’m not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions (mostly because I fail at keeping them), but I do have a number of goals for this year:
Procure a house/move out of this apartment
Figure out how to pay for migraine meds
Fix car
Build strength
Travel more
Etsy Store (and marketing)
Resume projects and videos!
Write second draft of screenplay (continue to look for first draft…)
Get endometriosis under control
See friends more (see: travel)
Write more songs. (Learn guitar?)
Purchase amp for electric guitar
Cook more
Paint more
Garden at new house
Communicate more (with friends, spouse, family, everyone?)
Start plotting greenhouse
Go on more adventures with spouse (and friends!)
See family more
Adopt pet(?)
But it’s a new year. Lots to do. Life to live.
Happy New Year!!!
*if you understood this reference, you are loyal to the ‘Za Lord
